Letter of truth to my Daughter in Prison
3:30 AM Friday morning
Got a notice from Corrilinks that Daughter is back in the Federal Prison system as of 1:48 this morning.
I woke up at 2 AM and checked my email.
At one time my daughter had thirteen years of continuous sobriety.
Then a rocky marriage coupled with rage seemed to derail her progress.
Next, she started drinking.
In addition to her anger, a new level of compulsive behaviors began to occur.
Progression of Addiction
Maybe she was taking a drug; maybe she was entering menopause.
The diagnosis had been borderline personality disorder.
A severe personality disorder equally important was the ongoing fact that she had not been good at self-care.
a. Often Moving houses
b. Losing health insurance
c. Changing jobs
d. Non-compliance with Doctor orders
e. Difficulty maintain medication supply
After the drinking relapse and the ensuing divorce, the addiction continued to progress.
This daughter has spent the past three years locked up in a ‘Club Fed‘ near San Francisco, California.
Twice she’s been released to a halfway house.
Then readmitted to a federal lockdown drug program in-between the two halfway house stays.
My daughter has only been able to maintain for about two weeks anytime she has had a pass or daytime work release to a job,
The lies are plentiful and not even very carefully constructed.
The details aren’t as important to me as they once were.
Now daughter has violated parole.
The next two years of her remaining parole time will be spent back in the Federal Prison.
It’s about drugs, alcohol, and mental illness.
Daughter in Prison None of my Business
Corrilinks is the Federal prison email system.
What else is there to say?
Daughter being back in prison is not my business.
Self-care is my job.
Sharing my experience, strength, and hope is my responsibility.
12-step carrying the Message of Hope in Recovery
My love stays with you.
God is within you.
You are a part of everything in the universe.
You are special, and these life experiences are a part of your Divine appointments.
God’s will is what’s happening, while we are trying to figure out what to do next.
I’ll share my 12-step work of today with you now.
Releasing Obsessive Compulsive Behaviors
Sending daughter my morning pages is the most appropriate thing I can think of as a response.
I talk about what I do to work my program and manage my obsessive compulsive personality.
In the most peaceful ways, I can think of as I collect information from people who care about me.
I research written and recorded recovery & spiritual information daily.
Daughter, You are an intelligent, mature women, a perfect child of God.
Nothing to be healed only perfection your needs to be revealed.
When the task ahead sounds daunting.
Affirm All of my answers are within.
Experiencing Failure is not being a Failure
My understanding of failure is to not make it this time, in this way.
Staying clear-headed, decisions based on proof rather than emotional reactions equals progress.
Even if you experience hell on earth, it’s only temporary.
On and on and on.
Highwayman – song about reincarnation & eternal life
[Willie Nelson:] [Kris Kristofferson:] Waylon Jennings, Johnny Cash
I was a highwayman
Along the coach roads, I did ride
With sword and pistol by my side
Many a young maid lost her baubles to my trade
Many a soldier shed his lifeblood on my blade
The bastards hung me in the spring of twenty-five
But I am still alive
I was a sailor
I was born upon the tide
And with the sea, I did abide
I sailed a schooner round the Horn to Mexico
I went aloft and furled the mainsail in a blow
And when the yards broke off they said that I got killed
But I am living still
I was a dam builder
Across the river deep and wide
Where steel and water did collide
A place called Boulder on the wild Colorado
I slipped and fell into the wet concrete below
They buried me in that great tomb that knows no sound
But I am still around
I’ll always be around, and around and around and around and around…
I’ll fly a starship
Across the Universe divide
And when I reach the other side
I’ll find a place to rest my spirit if I can
Perhaps I may become a highwayman again
Or I may simply be a single drop of rain
But I will remain
And I’ll be back again, and again and again and again and again…